Growing up is truly an oddity of life. It is an occasion to simultaneously reflect on and to look forward. It encomapsses letting go of life and embracing at the same time. It brings both peace and worry, celebrating acquired experience, but fearing the avenir that is to come.
It is trivial, but it also isn’t. I recall my mother once said (or shared someone’s thought): ‘I have spent more time on this Earth than what I have remaining’. A rather damning idea, is it not? But we never know when the halfway point of our life might be. Impossible it must be to predict the future, so I hereby urge you to celebrate the present – and do so in a diary.
Now, I know ‘diary’ and ‘journal’ both come from words meaning ‘day’, el día and le jour, for instance. However, one should disassociate with this meaning ‘daily’ or ‘diurnal’. A diary needs not concern itself exclusively with that which goes on during the brighter half of the cosmic cycle, nor should it do so (or otherwise) on a basis which is meticulously regular.
I do not want to define what a ‘diary’ is. I refuse. Some (outdated) beliefs state it is a way to gather and structure one’s thoughts. Perhaps a way of practicing one’s literary skills. Others suggest it is an accurate description of one’s experience, offering a glimpse into the inner life of the author.
But I reject this. The former pressures me to use varied vocabulary and alternatives for first-person-personal-pronoun sentences; the latter makes me question whether I am accurately conveying my ‘inner life’ on the page. I simply do not wish to have a ‘true self’ that I must be able to access. I wish to be what I write myself to be.
Who am I, then? My first mini-volume, Thoughts on Virtues and a Lack Thereof: A Life-Piece, would suggest I am deeply affected by my personal relationships. It informs I find reading a book and communicating with a person fairly similar. It tracks what made me happy, what made me sad.
Most importantly, however, it allowed me to reflect, to depict the present so it would become a more tangible past for the future.
Keep an eye out for the sequel, To Burn Anew: A Life- Piece, Continued. The complete collection will most probably be published posthumously.
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