The love of never finishing / Sons of Sailors

Van Gogh The Sea at Les Saintes-Maries-de-la-Mer

Sons of Sailors

For I am Sailor’s son,
Fear nor storm, nor thunder rung.
Abhor the shore; discovery’s allure.

For I am Sailor’s son
Heaving water through my lungs:
“Lover of the storm, adorer of the sun!”

For I am Sailor’s son,
Drunk on rum, in delirium
Sailing into the maelstrom

Lost in yore, lost the shore,
Set Sail for fail; Love shall prevail!

AHHH, this lil lovechild of mine. That one thing that has to be prioritized even if you have 3 deadlines coming up and enough work pilling up ahead of you. I had an urge to sit down and write, since I have recently made a discovery. It’s an odd thing I have kept for this moment right now to engage with it. See it as a writing excercise? A continous stream of ideas to have this as a lil side-dish reading. I like the sound of this… Side-dish reading. Actually, let me prepare myself a bit for this one as I have no clue what exactly I will hit on. I’ll go make myself some coffee and be right back… Aight, let’s go.

The new year has tolled and I have just read Flame’s recent blogpost about resolutions and thought I should also throw in my two cents and talk about what goes on in my mind. New Year’s has become a quite special day for me, numerous incidents just have always prepared me for interesting new beginings. This year, I was very fortunate to be a huge nerd. I was able to celebrate on Discord with over 20 people that, just like me, sat at home for new years (Thanks World of Warcraft. Kek). It made me ponder a bit about how long I have known these guys n girls, and how fast time has flown by… Quite honestly, if you would ask me what day we were, I would need some time to get you the right answer, if even.

The essence of time, or rather taking some time, has been enhanced. Well, personally for me, through the fact that loneliness just changes the percenption of quite a lot of things, I have taken more time to just let everything sink in. The ongoing pandemic and overall state of the world just spun last year so fast, it felt so odd how everything just tumbled on and on. I would not like for my time to become more deluded, as yesterdays keep reminding me of tomorrows, I get tangled up between the dates. The idea of taking time to appreciate really hammered home with me in 2020. I’ve been strolling through this beautiful city, listening to music and just casually going for walks; something we can nowadays call a “hobby”. Having this quiet time has thought me one thing and ,at the risk of sounding moronic, I have come to maybe learn to enjoy things more? There is something inherently joyful for me in catching sunrays on a winter morning. Waddling through these narrow streets to catch a glimse of the sun for an instance makes me realize that I might just be a plant with a coffeine addiction. Either way, it is within these moments where I try to let it soak in, maybe take an extra breath or two and just enjoy the moment. It might be then that I feel less tangled up in the troubles that any tomorrow could bring.

Oh good god, see… I have gotten sidetracked so hard I forgot to talk about the discovery. Ok so, I do not know if it is only me… but do you ever not finish something?

Like a series or a game. Like imagine you are playing your green hooded hero, rolling through temples and castles, defeating beasts and kicking open chests. You slay the beast of every cave and gather everything you can lay your hands on. Now you face the last challenge, the endboss so to say, and you just leave it there? Not due to lack of ambition or skill (how dare you question that) but some sort of …love? See, the idea I recently had was an odd one, I wanted to ask myself why I could never get to either finish a series or a videogame. I have of course played and finished various games, yet some just never wanted to be closed of? Especially from the series I adore the most, I have not finished Breath of The Wild, yet I am right outside the final gate. (I can not love Ganondorf this much now can I?) I adore the Sopranos, I have watched so many clips the Youtube algorythm must have read my family name and just fueled the italian mobster, yet I found myself having to stop at the 4th season…

Am I scared of the most thriumphus final defeat? of closure of knowing an end? Do I wanna stay in the inbetween? In the potential in the what if? Well… after all, this is a question for me to work out throughout this year. Some of it is probably to be found within the poem.

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